Many of us may be familiar with the amount of time and effort that is put into developing leadership skills within any given number of workplaces. As a social services worker, I was given time to take courses, attend workshops and reflect on what it meant to be a leader.
What if we took our role as leaders within our families just as seriously?
In my current season of life, my main roles include being a wife, mother and homemaker. Let’s look at how some common leadership skills can be applied within these roles.
Communication
This indeed hailed as the bedrock of leadership. Communication is so much more than being able to speak well. Good communication requires that we listen attentively, respond with discernment instead of just reacting, and clearly articulate our boundaries and expectations to those around us.
In marriage and parenthood, it is so easy to fall into a lazy way of communicating. It is all too easy to assume that the people around us just “know what we mean,” instead of taking the time to say what we want clearly. Being intentional about having hard conversations and listening to my spouse, setting boundaries with children’s behaviour and pausing when a stressful situation arises are all ways that communication skills come into my family life.
Hospitality
Being hospitable is the art of having a welcoming and generous attitude towards others.
A leader should be able to make people feel like they are wanted, no matter where they are coming from. This applies to what kind of environment I create within our home for my family, but also extends to the wider community. Pope St. John Paul II encourages us: “Family…believe in your vocation to be a luminous sign of God's love.” A loving Christian family is a way for others to encounter the beauty of God’s love and so, as a homemaker, I have the opportunity to evangelize and lead others to Christ and His Church by being hospitable. I believe that the feminine capacity for welcoming others is a way that women are invited to share the Gospel with our words and actions.
For me, this means being intentional about inviting people into our home, speaking freely about the joys of motherhood and family life, and seeking to make everyone I meet feel welcomed. Everything from the food served, to the art decorating our walls can point others to the beauty of God.
Emotional Well-being
Another aspect of leadership is being in tune with the emotional needs of those around us and taking action promoting well-being. As a wife and mother, I strive to exemplify what it means to prioritize wellness by taking care of myself. It’s like being a human thermostat; I can set the mood in our house by how I maintain and build up my own peace. Although I am far from perfect, a big part of how I strive to set a peaceful tone in our home is by learning how to emotionally regulate myself. This is not a one and done thing, but is something I am growing in through prayer, spiritual direction, counselling and support from my husband and close friends.
I do not want to just put my stress and challenging emotions onto my family; and so learning to find healthy ways to process them instead of complaining, yelling or shutting down is key to being a responsible leader. For me, this means I need to also prioritize time for myself to be creative and to rest. I also need to pause and invite Jesus’ presence before I react in a difficult situation. I need to be attuned to my family’s emotional well-being, so that I can be intentional with how we order our days. Beyond this, leading the family towards emotional wellness may also mean helping to carry their problems and mental load – either through problem solving, managing the schedules, or choosing the various activities and events we sign up for as a family. Most importantly, I need to keep taking the time to pray for our family.
Being Seen as a Leader
Being a leader as a stay at home wife and mother does not come with the rewards and recognition that some people receive in the workplace. Even so, I find joy and purpose in being a leader within my family life. My husband affirms my efforts and supports me not only by fulfilling his roles outside the home, but also giving me space to cultivate the inner peace that I need to set the tone for our home.
St. Edith Stein writes in the Separate Vocations of Men and Women that part of a husband’s role as the head of the home is to ensure that his wife’s talents and passions are being put to use both outside and inside the home. She also says that part of the mutual submission of marriage is allowing each other to compensate for the other's defects; that is, to be honest and aware of the different arenas in life where one or the other may be called to lead. With an acknowledgement that women have a special vocation to nurture and men to protect and provide, my husband and I strive to live this out. I feel seen by his acknowledgement of my talents and passions, as we collaborate in building a holy and happy home and family.
